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Thursday, December 11, 2008

Listen or Thy Tongue Will Keep Thee Deaf

An army Captain was assigned to a base situated in the middle of a desert. Although he despised the idea, he couldn’t resist as the order came from the top.

He was greeted by a young Sergeant upon disembarking from the C-130 Hercules in which he’d just spent the last seven hours contemplating on his would-be lifestyle in the desert base and reliving the “good life” he had at his previous assignment.

“Welcome, Sir…” the Sergeant said to him cheerfully.

The Captain, tired and rather unhappy with what he saw of the surroundings, quietly responded with a nod.

Upon reaching the Captain’s quarters, the Sergeant gave the Captain a little tour of the room hoping to make things as comfortable and familiar to the Captain as possible.

After that, the Sergeant offered to take the Captain for a tour around the base.

“Not now, Sergeant, I’m really tired… let’s just do that tomorrow.”

It was already past nine in the evening, and as soon as the Sergeant left, the Captain changed his clothes and went to bed.


The next day, just a few minutes of getting seated behind his desk in his new office, the Captain heard a knocking on his door. It was the young Sergeant.

“Good morning, Captain! Would you like to have the tour now?” the Sergeant asked.

“If you insist, let’s get this over with…”


The Sergeant proved to be a very good tour guide. For every structure he points out to, he would provide the Captain with tons of details about it, like what’s in it, who’s allowed in it and who’s not. He even gave some historical background for some of the buildings.

About three quarters of the way through the tour, the Captain saw a little pink house which, quite noticeably, the Sergeant seemed to ignore.

“What’s in that pink house?” the Captain asked curiously.

“Oh, that… well… uh… I suppose you understand that we don’t have any girls here… and… well… things get pretty boring here some times, if you know what I mean…”

“Ok, stop! I don’t want to hear anymore of your perversions! Understood?!” the Captain said angrily.

The Sergeant apologized and continued with the rest of the tour.


A little over a year passes since the Captain arrived and he has so far been fairing well. Much so that he has grown to like the place.

However, for the past few weeks he’s been struggling with his steamy urges. Self-service wasn’t helping anymore.

While sipping a cup of coffee in his office, he remembered the pink house he saw when the Sergeant toured him around the base. He suddenly felt excited.

He downed the hot coffee in record time and rushed off to the Sergeant’s station.


“Good morning, Sir… anything I can help you with?” the Sergeant asked.

“Uh… yes…” the Captain sheepishly replied, “remember that pink house you told me about before?”

The Sergeant grinned and said teasingly, “Ooooh… thaaat…”

“Cut the B.S.! I need this now! Tell me more about the pink house!” the Captain said angrily.

“Sorry, Sir. Ok… uh… inside that pink house is a beautiful pink camel…” the Sergeant began, “believe me, Captain, she’s beautiful! And very energetic, too! She can go daily without tiring. Nearby, there’s a pink wooden stool… since the camel is pretty tall, you’ll need it to…”

“I’ve heard enough! Is she available now?” the Captain asked hurriedly.

“Sorry, Sir, but there’s a very long line…” the Sergeant replied in a sad tone.

“The hell with the line, I’m the Captain here!”

“Ok, Sir… um… I’ll just squeeze you in on the list after the Colonel… but still, you need to wait for three more weeks. And, don’t tell anybody.”

“Dammit! Three weeks?!” the furious Captain blurted.

“Sorry, Sir, but that’s the soonest slot I can make available for you.”

“Ok then, three weeks…” the Captain said as he started to walk out of the Sergeant’s station.


As soon as he finished his morning routine, the Captain rushed off to the Sergeant’s station.

He excitedly knocked on the door and was greeted by the Sergeant.

“So, it’s my turn, right?” the Captain asked excitedly.

“Yes, Sir…”

And before the Sergeant could say any more, the Captain was already heading towards the pink house.


The Captain opened the door and saw the beautiful pink camel. The Sergeant was right, it was really a sight to behold. Its fur was shiny and it smelled of perfume. And, it was indeed pink.

Hurriedly, the Captain picked up the nearby stool, placed it behind the hind legs of the beautiful beast, got on top, unzipped his pants, and had his way with the animal.

Then, suddenly, he heard a rapid knocking on the door.

“Captain?” said a familiar voice from behind the door. “Captain? Are you there?”

“Don’t disturb me! I’m busy!” the Captain blurted out.

“Captain … you need to feed her first before…”

“Get back to your station, Soldier!”

Frustrated at being unable to get the Captain’s full attention, the Sergeant opened the door slightly to see what the Captain was doing.

The Sergeant’s jaw dropped the moment he saw what was happening inside.

“Captain! What are you doing?!” the Sergeant yelled.

“Didn’t you understand? I told you to leave me alone!” the furious Captain yelled back.

“You’re doing it all wrong, Sir!”

Shocked at what he heard, the Captain froze… “Wha… what do you mean?”

“Sir, you’re not supposed to ‘do’ the camel…” the Sergeant whispered, “You’re supposed to ride the camel, go to town, and get a woman there!”


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